We either grow together, or we drift apart.

I am writing this post for those of you who feel dissatisfaction, frustration, or even crisis in your relationship. Because I once felt that way too.

I remember when my wife first told me years ago that she was going to a self-development seminar. My first thought was that she had been scammed, that someone was brainwashing her and taking money from her. However, I told myself that if she came back and was happier, then it would be worth it.

It was.

It triggered an avalanche of further self-education for my wife. She decided to enter a year-long therapeutic training program, and I was really not prepared for it at the time.

I was struggling with my own demons, and the more my wonderful wife educated herself and worked on herself, the less I understood and comprehended what she was doing and where she was going.

I simply didn't understand her what was happening. From my point of view, she "had everything and should be happy, so why wasn't she?"

Intuitively, I knew I had to do something different, or we wouldn't last long. I just knew I would never meet anyone like her again. As always, I was lucky. One day I told my wife with a sour face to "give me that therapy then."

I had no idea what to expect. I cried all night. My block came to the surface. All my fears and beliefs, pains and hurts were suddenly clearly visible. The next day I went to work and felt like I was flying like a phoenix.

I would like to say that we then lived happily ever after, that the bell rang, and the fairy tale was over.

Not at all.

That was just the beginning. We went back to the old programs (and still do), but it's different now. I have the tools to work with all of that.

Looking back, I can hardly believe how incredibly lucky I was. It could have all turned out so differently. I am convinced that if the change had not happened, I would be living a completely different life today.

I am firmly convinced that in order to have good relationships, especially partnerships, we need to have a vision and at the same time grow together. If only one of us grows, we will start to drift apart.

Without a vision and shared growth, it can easily happen that we stop understanding each other. This applies not only to partnerships, but also to our other relationships.

I understand if you think this is bullshit. That you are annoyed by the word growth, as if it means that someone is better. I understand that you may have the belief that coaches, therapists, mentors, and the whole self-development thing are just taking money from you.

I get it.

I had the same beliefs, and it would be naive to think that only saints and virtuous people offer their services in self-development. 

Self-development can be challenging and does not always meet our expectations.

However, if you are dissatisfied with your relationships in the long term, maybe it is time to stop and look inside. What really bothers you? What really bothers you?

It's not about finding fault somewhere or with someone. But we need to find the root of the problem, where we have a block, what we are really dissatisfied with.

And if you don't want to go deep, you can ask yourself what you really want. Not just what we don't want, but what we really want.

It won't save you. But it is your small step that is a big step for your life.

Have a beautiful day!


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